While I was browsing through the L2 forums a few days ago, I've found an intersting story to read. It's all about the anxiety of being in love in someone, only to discover that he / she is left alone in the end. By the way, this was written by clone03 in the forums:
Why I Don't Speak To You??
Why don’t I speak to you? It’s clear to see that you’re making every palatable effort just to talk to me. You’re apparently trying to act friendly to somebody who tries so hard to keep you invisible. What does it feel like to talk to a brick wall? Well, try to master the feeling and get used to it; you’ll be encountering that same feeling a lot more every time you try to talk to me.
I’ve been chasing you for five months. That’s right, five grueling months. I trusted you with anything and everything. It’s been weeks since I’ve been having this fever. I cannot eat properly and my eyes are sore for crying myself to sleep every night. I can’t believe you did this to me. You, of all people. You, who’ve said that you’re deathly afraid of losing me and hurting me. You who’ve stated that you’re thankful for having someone like me. You who’ve said that you’ll never go far away from me; even the skies would tell me that you need me so. You…
To tell you the truth, I’ve already forgiven you… Yeah, it may sound weird, but that’s true! Well, I did love you once upon a time, and every time you’ve hurt me, I’ve cried it out at night and smiled it out in the morning. Prayers for you always came first before my prayers for my true friends, my family, and yes, even myself. But then again, I cannot but ignore you.
I’m a man who, in the youngest of ages, have seen and felt things that even a grown man shouldn’t see in a lifetime. I know how it feels like when the Angel of Death stares at me face to face. I’ve downed every problem I had so far. Death no longer scares me. Darkness no longer haunts me. The unknown makes me laugh. I have no fear, or at least, it used to be that way. Now I have only one fear… YOU!
I’m afraid of YOU! You hurt me so bad that I can still feel my heart race like a supersonic jet every time I hear your name or see you walk by. I’m afraid that you’d hurt me again. I’m afraid that, when we start speaking to each other again, you’d lie to me again. It would have been fine if you would lie and never let me discover the truth. However, I, a human lie-detector, would eventually figure it out, and it hurts me so.
So now, you’re probably asking yourself, “When the heck have I ever lied to him?” I don’t know maybe you should just keep that question to yourself. Try to remember the definition of lying, “lying is when you say what you’re not supposed to say and when you don’t say what you’re supposed to say”. That should be enough of a definition for you…
You know what; you still mean the world to me right now. You’re still the first name that pops out of my head when the sun rises and the last thing that circles my head before my consciousness shuts down for sleep. That’s why every little thing you do hurts me so much. Even the smallest of lies and cheapest of tales hurt me so much. It cuts deep in me like a samurai through butter.
I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I’ve got to move on. So many people are counting on me. So many lives are depending on me. The safety of the people I care for the most is in my hands. I don’t need a weakness right now. I don’t need someone who lets me second-guess my talents and abilities. I don’t need someone to cry over. In short, right now, I don’t need someone like you.
Please understand. It’s not your new girlfriend. It’s not your successful school life. It’s not the platoon of friends you carry around or the battalion of girls waiting at your doorstep. It’s simply between us. It’s between the events that have happened between us.
Honestly, the memories I’ve spent with you were, so far, some of the happiest in my life. I want to keep it that way. When I remember you, I want to remember not the hell you’ve put me through, but the heaven that I’ve shared with you.
I am, after all, once upon a time, your “best friend” and your “love”. I know you better than anyone in the world does. I know you better than your pretty face and your beautiful body. I know you better than your generic clothes, your baby cologne and your 99-peso lip gloss. I know who you are and what you truly feel about the world. That is why I can always say that, in this world, you cannot but lie. It’s what you do. It’s how you protect yourself. It’s how you defend yourself from getting hurt. It’s how you soften up your enemies before you go for the kill.
As sure as I am that one plus one equals zero, I’m sure that, when we speak again, you will not lie to me. You’ll do it all over again, and I’ll feel this way all over again.
I, like you, have to protect myself. I’ll let my feelings for you pass. I’ll let time heal my broken heart and my shattered self-esteem. That way, when we talk again, you can lie all you want. You can even stand in front of me and tell me that you’re seated down. By that time, it wouldn’t matter to me anymore. It wouldn’t hurt me as much as it does right now. It wouldn’t cost me sleepless nights and lost appetites.
Someday, when I’ve lost my love for you, when I’ve forgotten all the things you’ve put me through, maybe we can start all over again. We could be friends.
Friendship is all I can offer you because I cannot trust you any longer. If you want my trust back that bad, work hard for it, as have I.
And one more thing… Why am I always grumpy whenever you’re around? It’s not because I haven’t forgiven you for fooling me, because I have. It’s because I haven’t forgiven myself yet for letting myself be fooled by you…
Melancholic, isn't it?
Ok, mushy feelings aside. My knight was able to finish the Gather Ingredients for Pie quest, and she was given 50 Varnishes as a reward. I was also able to accomplish the Trial of Duty, the first part of the 2nd job change. But then something vexing happened. I was just teleported to Hunter's Village to give the quest items to Israel Silvershadow when suddenly, I got disconnected, and worse, I discovered that Aria's down, AGAIN! Good thing I posted the update in the forums... >_<
Fortunately, the server's up again after some time, and I still managed to finished the other half of the quest. The rewards were indeed worthy as well, for I was able to level up and to tune-up some of my current skills. As for my Kamael Warder, I requested my clan leader EvaRavenspell to recruit her into the academy. But the problem was that, one of the members was kicked out of the clan, meaning there was an invite penalty, and I have to go online again later in order to be included. I also managed to squeeze some of my remaining game time to my archer, so that she'll be at lvl 18 in order to do the job change quest in order to become an Elven Scout.
Well, that's all for now. See you in-game! ^^
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